Little Crow

Just a quick sketch. I’m not sure how long this art phase is going to be.

That’s something I’ve learned over time, that a diagnosis of ADHD has explained, and medication has helped.

I used to bounce from one thing to another at great emotional and economic expense. Writing was limited to short work, and art to sketches, and once I stopped painting the painting was done. Other things intruded. When I was a kid I’d be reading multiple books at once. I folded two together to keep both pages.

The downside is that I was in a constant cycle of failure. It was almost impossible to refocus once my attention was disturbed. It’s hard to improve, or work on long projects, when you can’t return to it, or, for example, wait more than a day to finish.

School, up to my MA, was an act of will, and in no small part an act of fear. I feared getting into trouble so much that I could drive myself to produce something.

The silence in my brain after I first took medication was life-changing. It was so peaceful. It wasn’t a haze, or anything like I feared. It was just…quiet.

I could make small talk. I could concentrate on conversations. I could finish a book at a time. The first time I stayed at the sink and finished all the dishes without starting a new task or getting absorbed in a project was a revelation.

I wonder what I could have done if I’d been diagnosed and treated when I was younger.

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